Huddled inside a group of familiar faces, the house lights dimmed and the velvet curtains rose. To see my friend Zach pounding away on the drums while people all around me hollered the names of YouTube sensations, it was surreal. Spotlights swayed across the stage and any moment they lingered on the drum kit we roared. It was the excitement of seeing our friend play at a popular Miami Beach venue that made us stand on tip-toes to see him, and yell out his name even before the singers were able to properly introduce him. But the electricity of that moment extended beyond this first leap toward success, it was also about knowing that this was not miraculous, it was hard work. It was seeing Zach play drums for years at his church, practicing for hours, getting into and succeeding at Berklee, finding the thread to balance on between self-doubt and pride, moving to a faraway state to make ends meet and network, and knowing that this moment wasn't a romanticized dream or circumstance. It wasn't a lottery. He earned this. After the show, gathered around friends and family, he tells me "The moments of depression, the self-doubt, the wondering if you're ever going to get there, I know those moments, I live them. But don't listen to that, and don't listen to the expectations of 'making it' at 22 years old. Focus on the hard work that it takes to be ready for those opportunities, because they will happen, and it's up to you to be prepared for when they appear. Be ready." And I wondered, am I ready?
23. It’s how old chimpanzee expert Jane Goodall was when she traveled to Tanzania to study primates, the first year of 55 spent in the Gombe Stream National Park. It’s how old author Joan Didion was when she worked as a copywriter at Vogue, the start of an illustrious writing career. It’s how old Orson Welles was when he produced and performed “War of the Worlds” on broadcast radio. It’s how old my mother was when rebuilding her life from an abusive first marriage with baby in arms. Of all the great things I could have accomplished by my 23rd birthday set by some arbitrary standards of success, the one that moves me most (perhaps I’m biased) is the last one. I don’t say that to discredit the successes of others, simply to say that sometimes the most successful thing we can do is manage to stay afloat in stormy waters. A small victory is a victory nonetheless. I’ve experienced my own small victories, and I treasure them. Hounding the editor-in-chief of a community newspaper for a position until he relented and gave me a chance is a small victory, one I might proudly boast, he has not regretted. Then there are the small victories my husband and I make every day in our marriage; to be trustworthy, patient, forgiving, loving, and dependable. The small victory of paying off one credit card at a time. The victory of finding and choosing joy in sunrises, little brother kisses, and Planet Earth Netflix binges amid torrents of collective misery in our society. These are small. But they are mine. And I choose to seem them as steps to a grander victory, whatever that may be. In adding to my list of small victories, this year and every year after, I will celebrate. 23 can be a magical age. It can be a hard one. Whichever one it is though, it’s another year. For the last handful of years, my birthday hasn’t been a big deal (except for a weekend long celebration at Disney a couple years ago. That was incredible!). I’ve treated myself to splurges at bookstores, used it as an excuse to get my way, and ate ice cream. All in all, pretty good birthdays, but they were just another day really. Plus ice cream. 2015 started out rough. My uncles, my dad’s brother and my mom’s brother, both passed away within two weeks of one another in January. It was hard. My plans for making this year “my year” (whatever that means) were promptly thrown out the window in the face of grief. It took some time to pull myself together, and even now I can’t say confidently that there isn’t sorrow that threatens to deluge my heart on certain days. But I’m better. My family is better. Life is better. Life can be good. I think that’s why this year’s birthday I wanted to celebrate. I wanted to really celebrate. I want to make memories and be with family and friends. So often we think of celebrating birthdays as something we do for children or adults in arrested development, because sane adults stopped celebrating birthdays at 21. After that we’re supposed to be suddenly ashamed of our age. Seeing my uncle Henry’s declining health and the swift death that tragically took my uncle Albert created more than pain, it created a moment of clarity. Wrinkles are luxuries. How can I, in good conscience, take for granted or feel ashamed at growing older when so many are robbed of it? We celebrate a child’s birth to commemorate another milestone in their expanding life, so why not do the same for ourselves? I’m eternally grateful to spend another year with my loved ones, with opportunities and hope. I may not have landed on Time Magazine’s front cover yet, but I’m not too concerned. I figure I have a lot more birthdays to keep at it. When my uncle Henry laid in bed, fearful and doubtful that his cancer would be cured my mom would hold his hand and say “Donde hay vida, hay esperanza” which means “where there is life, there is hope.” I have my life, my family and friends, I have hope for the future, and I have another completed year to celebrate - so that’s exactly what I’ll do. I'm a twenty-something pro-procrastinator and writer. The idea for launching this website/blog sprouted when I realized, apart from the extremely adorable "Olivia SLP" on Youtube, there aren't many students online devoting time to explaining the ins and outs of Speech Language Pathology (SLP) as an undergrad student. Even more so for students who completed/are completing an undergraduate degree in something unrelated to SLP (in my case, English Literature). Considering I am one of those students, I figured I could detail my own experiences. After deciding to launch with this goal in mind I wondered, why stop there? I have a lot of things I'd like to see and do and perhaps this site could be the springboard to finally act on and document those ambitions. I essentially categorized my life into these main labels: Writing, SLP, Reading, Adventure Wardrobe, Health and Create. With these things in mind I launched RoselindWrites and a new perspective. For most of my life I allowed lack of resources, time and discipline keep me from the things I want to accomplish and the person I always hoped to become. So before another year passes with regrets of lost time, I decided today and this blog is a good place to start. Launching RoselindWrites has been a great experience so far and all I've really done is make categories and a cool little logo. I'm excited to see how this blog and website will grow with content and to have something tangible to look back on for this time in my life. I hope to capture on this blog the things that bring me joy, that allow for intelligent discussion and that give room for living a creative life. Here is a (work-in-progress) list of the things I plan to pursue and document : Writing Reading classics & modern literature Kicking the crap out of the GRE Exam Speech-Language Pathology (SLP) Aerial silks Kickboxing Krav Maga Archery Skydiving Calisthenics & Strength training Running a 10K Following & creating podcasts Traveling Drawing/Painting Mixed media art Stop Motion Animation Fandoms Camping/Hiking Throwing knives Shooting Learning to ride a motorcycle Longboarding (More) tattoos Playing violin Living ethically I'm looking forward to what the rest of the year will bring. Glad you're along for the ride.
~RHzzz |
Writing CornerThis blog is an amalgamation of weird thoughts, prose, poetry, and the occasional rant. For specific topics visit the categories above or click on the categories below. Want to collaborate on something cool? Send me an email. ArchivesCategories
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